Just to let you know, the entertainment industry keeps beating me. Patton says, because I'm not a billionaire, George Bush hates my f___ing guts. But who is it that really doesn't like me here?
I know they don't love me. I know it. They hate me. They abuse me. But I keep taking it. Look, I've got problems, I know it. Sure I do. But who doesn't? I can’t leave them. Don’t ask me to. You know I can’t.
Anyhoo, in this case, it takes the form of Patton Oswalt. I love Patton Oswalt. He's a rarity in comedy, or entertainment generally--the cerebral everyman. The erudite regular guy. Sort of a still very liberal Dennis Miller. While I'm probably never going to do it, I can certainly sympathize with his Amsterdam bit ("I was like Templeton the Rat in Charlotte's Web, you know? Hookers and pot! Hookers and pot!") and what other comedian has such an awesome, and inspiring, bit on the noble PAAS Easter Egg Coloring Kit? Indeed, he waxes eloquent on classic conservatism (without, perhaps, noting the irony) because the bit ends with effusive praise of the fact that PAAS is still around, and has remained classic and unchanged since practically the beginning.
He can be dark and disturbing, and gross. But no more than, say, Southpark. Still, I think he’s funny, and I really enjoy his stuff. But, underneath the surface, it turns out that he—like so many of the others—is another Hollywood Pod-Person. And out comes the pistol, and he starts whipping me with it.
And then he goes on to praise the hedonism and indulgence of Robert Evans. But, okay, that's not so bad. Just his opinion, and perhaps Patton is not as well-read or informed on actual history or political issues as he is in regards to Hollywood minutiae and different words to describe human (or other) genitalia.There's not a lot of heroes left these days. There's a horrible psycho in the Whitehouse and we're on the brink of apocolypse, but there are heroes . . .
But then there's this bit:
The thing I don't understand is the people who support George Bush and they're not billionaires. Like, that makes no f___ng sense. They're like, "I think George Bush is f___in' awesome, man!"A lot of stuff is in there, though. Hollywood folks--the elite of whom are filthy rich, and the rest of whom aspire to be--don't understand why regular folks working regular jobs, such as the reviled retail job at the Fashion Bug, would support someone who didn't promise that the government was going to send them a big fat check every month for sitting on their collective asses and doing nothing for the rest of their lives. Why would someone who earns $30k a year support Republicans? The only people who like the middle class and the poor are wealthy socialist elites, like the folks who tax those very people to death in California, and elected Democrats, who tax those people to death in California and would like to do so everywhere else.
And you're like "Wow! How much do you make? You must be like a billionaire!"
They go, "I make, like, 30 grand a year."
And you go, "Wow, cause Bush f___in' hates you, did you know that? He f___in' cannot stand you. He wouldn't be caught dead with you."
Seeing someone like that, it's like meeting a girl like, well - say Michael Damien is touring the state fairs in the Midwest, still doing his, you know, "remix" of "Rock On" and she f___in' blows him by the Tilt-A-Whirl and then goes home to her mom and says, "F___in' Michael Damien is in love with me, Mom, and he's gonna take me out of this town!"
And Mom's like, "Sweetie, no.. He appreciated the blowjob, but he's not going to come back for you.. He's gonna move on to other state fairs, but he won't come back to rescue you. You will go to work at Fashion Bug tomorrow like you will until you die."
And what evidence does Patton have that Bush hates you, or me, for that matter? Because Bush himself is not poor. He hasn't ever been poor. Bush is, in fact, rich, and his family has been wealthy for generations. He is old wealth. Unlike, say, John Kerry, who doesn't even know how to properly eat a hot dog and spends his free time windsurfing, or Ted Kennedy, who can afford to not only have numerous casual affairs with interns, but drive drunk and drown them and still get off with a handslap because he's so frickin' rich and powerful.
And on and on and on. The Democratic party is filled--up to the gills--with old wealth, and financed by old wealth, as are most of the socialist elites who support the Democrats, if only because there isn't an even more liberal, leftist, Marxist political party to bankroll.
Although I should be inclusive. There is a great deal of new wealth that throws money hand-over-fist at the Democratic Party, too.
And who is too good to be seen with me? George Bush or John Kerry? Dubya or Nancy Pelosi? Who is too important for me? Dubya or Hillary Clinton? There are plenty of arrogant, too-good-for-you politicians in the United States, left and right, and Bush wouldn't even be in the the top fifty. There are plenty of mayors of little buttwipe nowhere towns that are more self-important and ego-inflated than Bush.
And let's say he doesn't care to be seen with a peon like me. I'm voting for president based on who I think likes me the most? Who would be more likely to patiently sit through a photo-op with a working-class Joe (which, btw, Bush does all the time, even as president)? How screwed up would that be? I've had some friends that are good friends and fine people, don't get me wrong, but they should never, ever become president. Or win any elected office. What does whether or not George Bush would be seen with me or would like me as a person have to do with the price of tea on Tuesday?
The answer is, nothing. Whether the president would be your good buddy doesn't and shouldn't inform your voting. And it doesn't, really, on either side of the equation. What about the African-Americans who again voted for the Democratic candidate in droves? Are we seriously supposed to believe that John F. Kerry has a friendship roster populated with boyz from the hood? That he hangs out with Ice'd Flavah Cubie Smalls discussing 2 Pac and the relative merits of Colt 45? Or that he'd be caught dead with any minority, except as it might further his political goals?
I.e., it's a false dichotomy. Big time politicians don't spend a lot of time hanging around the little people in either party, and whether or not they'd be your personal friend doesn't have any bearing on how good or bad their policies might be for you, your neighbors, and your country.
Well, maybe it's his policies. Perhaps George Bush's policies show that he only likes billionaires. But, uh, I'm doing slightly better now, but when I wasn't make much more than 30k was when the Bush tax cuts went through, and they were a lifesaver for me. They really, really helped.
Then he tried for Social Security reform, which would really help guys like me out when they get to retirement. I've got a wife and two kids, I've got debt to pay down, and it's very difficult for me to invest in my retirement right now. And may be that way for years ahead. And George Bush wanted to let me take a little bit of my Social Security tax money and invest it in a private account that I would own and could even pass on, should I die before my Social Security collecting days came to pass. And not only that, he wanted to make it my money--my money that had hopefully been appreciating over time, but my money. So when it came time to live off my Social Security, it wouldn't be my children or my grandchildren paying for it, and I wouldn't be any additional burden to our public welfare system. It would simply be my money that the government had, not unreasonably, forced me to save for myself and my family, for my own good and to avoid my being an excessive burden on future tax payers. Shoot, I think think this guy might actually likeme, Patton.
And despite all the bellyaching, Social Security reform is in the current budget, and looks like it might get started. I tell ya, I sure hope so, and the folks that I presume must like me so much since George Bush isn't supposed to, have done nothing but fight giving me a better retirement, and the right to have my own tax money go to help provide for me in my senior years and they have fought to keep any real wealth I might build up in my life time from being passed, unmolested, to my children and grandchildren. And they have fought against letting me keep more of my income in general so I can pay my bills and provide for my family.
I'm sorry, who is it that doesn't like me?
And it's just silly. How many people say, "You treat me great, you support legislation I agree with, I find you physically attractive, I love your taste in movies, but you only make $30k a year and my cut off is, at minimum, a hundred thou per annum, so I hate you." How many people do that the other way? Envy and resentment may provoke a few, but it's the snobbery of out-of-touch elites who happen to be wealthy that most plain folks resent, not their actual annual income.
In the end, it's the same question I always ask, and folks like Patton Oswalt--who I think is a brilliant, not-quite-as-edgy-as-he-thinks-but-still-darn-funny comedian most of the time--make me puzzle over it again. How can I guy who so clearly has his brain engaged, who is so clearly well-read and well-educated--come to such a kindergarten-level analysis of contemporary politics? Why is it that smart--often very smart, very grounded liberals--suddenly lose all that when it comes to partisan politics?
And I'm not even talking about being wrong on the issues, which I believe they are, but demonstrably having no idea what any of the issues actually are. Bill Clinton may or may not have been almost sociopathic, but, even if he was, he didn't not portend the apocalypse, and most would agree that only wing-nuts thought he would. George Bush might be wrong on everything from the war in Iraq to tax cuts for working families, but would that make him a psychopath? Would his election signal the end of the world? Or even close enough that it might be funny to a rational human being grounded in some sense of reality?
Man, I don't know about you. But I don't think so. But, in the end, I don't think Bush f___ing hates me. And, when it comes down to it, if he did, it would have very little to do with whether or not he was the right man, given our other choices, to be elected president of the United States.
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